Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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