That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
