I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
