so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
