so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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