And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
