it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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