We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Small penises have feelings too.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
