I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i barfeds in our rink
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
