I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
