i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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