and you said cock pushups were impossible
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
