Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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