That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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