You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
