trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
