I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
