Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
