my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
After tacos, we're chasing women.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
