I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
