how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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