oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
