why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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