Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
