when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
