She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
