eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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