So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
