In America we eat man semen.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
