those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
