Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
