I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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