It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
