Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You're like the curious george of whores
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
