Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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