There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
