did you get engaged???
I cockslap morals
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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