One girl and one boy is just not enough.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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