Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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