I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
