i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
