your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
