Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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