I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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