i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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