I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
