you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
