it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
