Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
