Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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