It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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