I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
