we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
