I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
