i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
