to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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