Define "chronic" masturbator.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
