i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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