Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
