just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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