Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
the condom got lost in my hair
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
