The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
