im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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