I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
