Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
