The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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